This makes it confusing for young people. They want their relationship to last, yet they see the statistics that seem to say there's only a slight chance of that happening. This fear alone is enough to cause some to break up with each other as they prepare to transition to adulthood.
Relationships are confusing for young people because they are experiencing feelings of romantic love and attraction for the first time. They are just starting to figure it all out. Since these are feelings that many mature adults struggle with, you can only imagine how much more of a struggle it can be for teenagers. The first feelings that preteens and teens usually experience are feelings of infatuation or a crush. The feelings are more intense than the young person is used to, and areeasily mistaken for love.
Young love tends to be based on nothing but feelings. The couple has not yet faced and overcome a challenge or difficulty together. They are passionate about each other.
They think about each other constantly and want to spend all their time together. Chances are they blush at the mention of the other, get sweaty palms, experience a racing heart, and desire for the other. Many times, they don't even know each other well. These feelings are a natural reaction and not something the teen is choosing. When the relationship faces the first challenge, like a disagreement between the couple, it can be blown out of proportion.
Those that are experiencing young love mistakenly believe that love comes without trials. However, the exact opposite is true. True love develops when a couple decides to overcome the challenges that face them and stay together despite them. Young love is even more challenging because you are still in the process of finding out who you are.
When you fall in love and are in a serious relationship before you know yourself, it can cause many problems down the road. To please the other person, you do things they enjoy doing. You may even believe that you like these things for awhile. But in the future, there could come a day when you realize you have been wasting your time doing things that you don't enjoy to please someone else.
This makes young love confusing because the more you learn about yourself, the more you may find that you don't enjoy spending time with the other person like you once thought you did.
And it works the other way as well. You may think you found the perfect person that you are compatible with, but then they start realizing they like different things. It's easy to feel betrayed when this happens. However, it's most likely not that the other person was trying to trick you but that they didn't know themselves well enough. It's also important to know who you are before getting into a relationship, so you can learn to love yourself for who you are.
Eventually, these surging feelings often settle into a deeper affection with the help of oxytocin , a hormone that plays a role in attachment. Maybe you fall for someone you just met, but you eventually realize the first blush of love has tinted your view. Once the first intensity fades, your feelings begin to wither without taking root. You can also develop romantic love without experiencing euphoric, heart-pounding excitement.
Someone who falls for their best friend, for example, might notice their long-standing platonic love become more romantic and sexually charged almost overnight.
This could temper the feelings of euphoria and impulsivity that often accompany the first stages of love. Maybe you frequently think back to your last interaction or plan your next meeting. You want to tell them about your experiences every day: the great, the awful, and the ordinary. When spending time with family and friends, you might talk about them a lot and imagine how much your loved ones will like them, too.
Trust is generally a key component of love. When you see them, you might notice your tension relaxes, in much the same way as it does when you return home after a long day. Feeling safe enough with someone to trust them with your personal weaknesses or vulnerabilities often suggests developing love. You might even notice renewed energy and interest in the mundane things you do every day. Folding laundry? Taking a walk? Loving someone often means wanting to spend plenty of time with them, so you might find yourself craving their company more than ever before.
Another key sign? Even when they feel sad, cranky, or frustrated with life, you still want to show up and offer support. Jealousy is an emotion like any other. Talking about your feelings never hurts, but you might want to skip the digital snooping and social media stakeouts. Platonic love involves deep affection, but no romantic or sexual attraction. Embracing platonic love successfully requires you to set any romantic feelings aside.
You value their personality and want their friendship. Between human beings, love is a relational word. Yes, you can love things that do not love you back—the sky or a mountain or a painting or the game of chess. But the love of other people is directional. And real love is not only about the feelings of the lover; it is not egotism. It is when one person believes in another person and shows it.
In Fiddler on the Roof , when Tevye asks Golde whether she loves him after a quarter century of marriage, her wry answer is exactly on point:. Of course it is possible to perform all sorts of duties for someone and feel little or nothing for them. Love is not about being hired help. When you love someone, you open up your heart—sometimes, before you feel ready. You may not feel you even know how to love someone. Are you doing it right? Are they doing it right to you? This relationship anxiety is often more prevalent when you first begin to love somebody.
You may feel more sensitive. Look out for you. Love you back. Say, a surge of nerves. How dare this person threaten your ability to thrive alone?
In fact, you feel incredibly lucky to have found them. But that same feeling can translate into fear of loss. What if the feelings of love fade? What if they turn out to be someone entirely different? Your mind is running a million miles a minute. And it can make the sanest of lovers feel insane. Love is an adjustment. The joy of it, and the fear of losing it, are two sides of the same coin. Practice focusing on the right side— the bright side —and the rest will fall into place. When love knocks on your door, you might swing the door wide open, releasing everything about you into the open air.
For what might be the first time, you have someone who gets you. Someone to bounce ideas off of, help you see things more clearly, and even provide unique insights of their own. The urge to share your entire life story all at once can be strong. You want to tell them about that one time your boss said that annoying thing. You want to tell them about your hobbies, your favorite foods, your triumphs, your disappointments.
And if your new love feels like you do, they may share your desire to overshare. And even if someone becomes less physically attractive over time. In short: lust is too little.
Infatuation is too much. Love is just right.
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